## [Mariachi]
I can't believe you sold my fucking car!
[Woman over P.A.] And now... Oh.
[Electronic feedback]
And now, I give you Orange Grove Estates' 1,000th family.
Let's give them a hand.
[Children giggling]
[Child laughing]
[Chattering, machines beeping]
[Woman] # Oh, my home #
# Is just floating all away #
# My dreams #
# Take to the road #
# As I try to stay afloat #
# In this flood #
# And this flood of dreams #
Welcome to McDonald's.
# When you were mine #
# The sky was so high #
# The forests were green #
# And the stars were bright #
# Now I've got the road #
# Leading me off cleverly... #
Have a good day, sweetie
- Okay. - Okay.
# Oh, my home #
# Is floating all away #
# My dreams #
## ["Hail to the Chief"]
[Miranda narrating] After he found his bass again in that pawn shop in Atlanta,
Charlie swore he'd never pawn it again.
He swore he'd pawn his own mother
before he'd pawn that bass.
[Snoring]
- [Whispering] Charlie. - [Snoring softly]
- Charlie. - Snorts]
Have you eaten anything?
Uh...
No.
- I'll go make something. - Oh, no, it's cool. It's cool.
Why don't you sit down?
Used to look out here, you'd see one,
maybe two lights.
Your mom, she used to complain all the time about being
in the middle of nowhere.
It's still the middle of nowhere.
There's just a lot more people in it now.
You didn't have to sell your bass and records.
You just have to know when to give up.
Dad, don't.
I told you, I'm finished with music.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Um, excuse me.
- Hi. - Hi.
Would you like to try some chowder?
[Charlie] So let's hear it.
[Miranda] Okay, well, a lot of the doors
claim to be alarmed but they're not.
[Charlie] How do you know?
[Miranda] I opened them.
[Charlie] Well, that's fine.
We'll make a good scofflaw out of you yet.
[Miranda] Most of the people are really nice.
Everyone says I could be looking at a raise
within six months, and the benefits are great.
[Charlie] Hold on, here. Let's focus.
Tell me about the security guards.
[Miranda] They have two of them.
They only work in the daytime.
Come on, come on!
[Miranda] One of them is named Mike.
And the other one is named Bruce.
Security guards have master keys,
but the manager, he's the only one
who has the great grand master key.
It opens every single door.
He calls it the "God" key.
[Man] I think you're doing great, by the way.
[Miranda] Thanks.
Kelly and I sometimes head out to the beach on Saturdays.
We have a little barbecue, play a little volleyball.
Nah, you play volleyball.
I just listen to Jimmy Buffet and soak up the rays.
I'm a total parrothead.
Do you like the beach, Miranda?
I can't even remember the last time I went to the beach.
I bet you'd look great in a bikini.
[Charlie] Miranda.
[Miranda] What? Let me finish the story.
Did you...
Did you get sort of a weird vibe
from these people?
- Kind of. - Yeah.
That's because they're swingers.
What?
Do I gotta draw you a picture?
What are you talking about?
- You don't know, do you? - No.
So nice that you don't know everything.
Swingers, um...
Well, they're, you know, people who like
to spice up their life with different partners.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
They were talking swinger code.
Oh, God, that is so gross!
What am I going to do?
Why? Wh-What's the matter?
- They invited me to a barbecue. - They what?
You were the one that told me to accept any and all invitations
so that I can get to know the people and the layout.
But I didn't mean that you were supposed to go and...
I didn't know that they were swingers.
It's cool, all right? It's cool, it's cool.
Y-You just... You don't have to go.
I told them that I would, and, you know,
I thought I could maybe get at Doug's keys.
The God key.
- Yeah. - Mm.
No, no. We... We can't do this.
I think I can take care of myself, Charlie; I've had a lot of practice.
You know, sometimes I just wish you'd call me "Dad."
Okay, I can take care of myself, Dad.
Thank you. I mean, you're what, 18 years old now?
I'll be 17 in 3 weeks.
You're gonna be 17? I gotta write this down, man.
You are so young.
But, you know, you act so old.
Sometimes you're very, um...
- Precocious? - Precocious, yes.
Now, I forbid you to go to this barbecue.
You hear me?
Okay, I won't.
Are you going to promise me that?
Okay. God.
[No audible dialogue]
# See the curtains hanging in the window #
# In the evening on a Friday night #
# A little light shining through the window #
# Lets me know everything's all right #
# Summer breeze makes me feel fine #
# Blowing through the jasmine in my mind #
[Doug] One of the perks of the management position:
Half price on all seafood.
Have some before it's all spoiled.
It's a virgin, by the way.
Berry flavored.
Miranda, did you bring your bathing suit?
No. Why?
You don't have a swimming pool, right?
Hot tub.
[Chuckling]
- Huh. Um... - Dude! Dude!
We need some more chairs!
Okay, Leonid. Just a sec.
Excuse me, ladies.
Hey, so do you want to go check out my suits?
I've got a major selection.
Huh?
I mean, we look like we're about the same size, huh?
Uh, I think I'm...
I'm sorry, I think I'm going to have to pass on the hot tub.
Are you sure?
It'd be really nice.
That water's, like, fruit scented.
It's pineapple...
# Summer breeze makes me feel fine #
# Blowing through the jasmine in my mind #
Actually, I changed my mind. The hot tub sounds good.
It does, doesn't it? All right, come on.
So, I'm guessing a G-string is out.
What?
[Gasps] Wait, I got the perfect thong.
[Humming]
- A thong? - What? Oh, no, no.
- Look at this. - No, no, no.
All right.
- I got it! - Oh!
- Parrots? - Oh.
Check it out. Look at that.
No? Okay. One more.
[Expels breath]
Okay, I hope you dig this.
- Dude! - [Gasps]
Check it out. Look at this.
Oh, hey, it's all right.
Are you sure this is a virgin?
[Sniffs]
Oh, boy. [Laughs]
You know, um, there's this...
- [puking] - Oh, Christ.
- Oh, okay. - I'm so sorry.
[Men speaking foreign language]
## [Azz]
[Pepper laughing]
[Coughing]
- Hi. - Hey.
- What's happening? - Ugh.
So, um... Iook what I got for you.
One with your own name on it.
Good. Great.
No.
Come on, your credit rating is great.
No, Charlie. No.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
So, Pepper here, he used to work
for an alarm service company.
Was that before or after you went to jail?
Before.
And Pepper, he knows how those alarm systems work.
Wait, Charlie, what did you tell him?
What did he tell you?
[Chuckling]
[Ioud clatter]
[Men shouting]
- [Gasps] - [Speaking foreign language]
[Banging]
Charlie?
[Police radio chatter]
Charlie!
[Flustered utterances]
Is this what I think it is?
Charlie, what did you do? What is going on?
Uh, I got behind in the third mortgage.
- I didn't even know there was a second. - Well, sure.
There's a third to pay the second,
a second to pay the first, and so on.
- How'd you get this? - "And so on"?
They're taking everything.
Miranda, did you go to that orgy?
L... It was a barbecue.
[Knocking]
Are you sure nothing happened?
Something happened, didn't it?
The swingers, they got to you, didn't they?
Goddamnit! What've I done?
I'm supposed to be your father, you know.
And here I am, throwing you right into the lion's den.
You didn't. It was my idea.
Just tell me.
When you went to the bank,
what was the reason you gave them
for why we needed the money?
Home improvement.
Okay.
What about the second time?
Swimming pool.
Ah.
You know, but the timing's perfect.
When is the timing ever good
for getting kicked out of your house?
Think about it.
Yeah.
It's the Chinese thing.
Catastrophe equals opportunity.
[Man] Excuse me.
It's time for you to go.
[Miranda] "From the journal of Father Torres,
"November 30, 1624.
"When the savages were silent,
"that was when the company was most affrighted.
"Evidently, they were gathered
"around the entrance to the cavern,
"awaiting such time as our hunger
"might overwhelm good sense
"and force us out into the open.
"Ofttimes perforce, the officers were compelled
"to use their muskets,
firing over the natives' heads."
I'm getting really good vibes here.
[Whispering] I can't believe we're doing this.
[Alarm sounding]
- Where are you going? - Running away. What does it look like?
We gotta stick with the plan.
- Come on! - We gotta get out of here...
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
It's over here!
[Clang]
Up here!
Where's my glasses?
On your head!
[System dialing]
It's done.
[Pepper] Where's the propane?
[Miranda] Over here!
[Police sirens blaring]
[Alarm sounding]
Right here!
That ought to do it.
Where are you going?
Outside, remember?
L...
What are you doing?
You really sure this is going to work?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No... No problems.
Pepper, he fixed the alarm box
so it would read like a gas leak.
- And if that's the case we don't... - Ahh!
[Alarm stops]
[Police radio chatter]
[Man] Panel says "gas leak."
Smell anything?
Yeah, I found it.
Propane bottles leaked.
[Canisters clanging]
Perfect.
[Whispering] Shh, tat tat tat.
I think we should stay here for a bit.
Breaking and entering makes everything
taste... different.
Makes it taste, um, livelier.
In those days they would've used pitch pine torches.
It's got to be here somewheres.
[Sniffing]
- [Charlie grunting] - Do you smell that?
What?
Ammonia.
They must've cleaned the floor.
They cleaned your X off.
That does it, then.
Oh, no, l-I know where to dig.
No, it's... it's right here.
- Here? - Yes.
No, it's... it's...
It's here.
Charlie.
Miranda, we're going to dig here.
Are you sure?
[Sighs]
[Chuckling] Well, l... I guess I'd better be.
You got the walkie talkie?
Yeah.
Pepper, is it all clear?
Yeah.
Come in, Charlie.
Charlie, come in.
[Ackhammer rattling in distance]
[Hammering stops]
[Police radio chatter]
Evening, sir.
What seems to be the problem?
Motorcycle's not working?
We hit rebar.
Well, I think I might've flooded it.
[Muted buzzing]
There's the throttle right there.
I know. I know.
[Buzzing stops]
Hey, let me try.
[Engine starts]
Hey!
[Siren chirps]
[Metal clangs]
[Siren chirps]
[Beep]
Miranda.
Hey.
[Siren chirps]
Don't step on that.
[Thud]
Hello.
[Hollow thump]
- Ugh! - Hmm.
What is that smell?
- Ugh. - You must've hit the sewer line.
No, the sewer's all the way on the other side of the store,
under pet care.
Current is stronger than I thought it'd be.
That looks a lot like sewage to me.
It's the underground river.
Just like the journal said it would be.
Where are you going?
[Officer, P.A.] Sir!
Come on, sir, you're just wasting gas.
[Miranda] Pepper.
- Come in, Pepper. - [Foot steps squeaking]
Charlie?
This store is great. It's got everything.
What are you doing?
That should be long enough.
The journal says the passageway's about 40 barras.
That's Spanish for "yards".
So it should be about 120 feet.
People get killed all the time doing stuff like this.
I need you to hold the other end tightly.
Stop! You're jumping into raw sewage.
This is not sewage, okay? It's sulfur.
I noticed before when I tested the water,
it's warmer than the room temperature.
And this brown color indicates an iron sulfite hot springs.
There's no reasoning with you.
You have an answer for everything.
That really bothers you.
I was hoping that I wasn't going to have to say this.
- What? - Don't make me say it.
[Muffled] All right, then.
There's no gold, okay?
There's no treasure.
You're about to jump into a sewer.
This whole thing is a delusion.
Sir, put your arms out to your sides.
Sir... put your arms all the way out to your sides,
like Jesus on the cross.
Straight out. There you go, just like that.
Pepper. Come in, Pepper.
I need some help in here.
- Pepper, are you there? - Roll him over.
Pepper, the button's on the side.
Pepper, push the button on the side.
Ventura 105 to all units, be advised.
We believe we've got a 459 there now
inside the Costco.
Any available unit please respond.
[Pepper] Damn.
# Here are you #
# Here am I #
# No moon in view #
# No star on high #
# But it's a lovely night to spoon #
# Let's pretend that there's a moon #
Pepper, where are you?
# Nights like this were made for love #
# Regardless of the moon above # [doors opening]
# The time and place are opportune #
- # Let's pretend that there's a moon # - Pepper, is that you?
[Bubbling]
Pepper, please come in.
Where are you, Pepper?
[Muffled cry]
[Grunts]
## [Woman singing foreign language]
Uh!
[Miranda] "Journal of Father Torres, February 9th, 1624.
"Final entry.
"We were trapped in a cavern whose walls were marked
"with their childish carvings.
"A cavern sometimes used for whatever variety of pagan ritual
"which these lost people felt compelled to observe.
Miranda.
[Miranda] "I miss my home
and wish to leave this land so filled with madness."
I found it! L...
Miranda.
[Police radio chatter]
[Foot steps squeaking]
Come on, my little sack of potatoes.
[Breathes deeply]
You smell awful.
I found it.
Didn't get all of it.
Still a lot more down there.
I gotta go back.
Huh?
Do you believe me?
[Police sirens approaching]
[Police radio chatter]
What are you going to do?
You're staying right there.
What about you?
You know, when I was at the hospital
I used read a lot of biographies
about these great men.
The thing was that their dads... well, they weren't so great.
- They were screw-ups. - What are you doing?
Then, I started to see that all my life
I've been trying to do something great.
But then I realized that I was laying
the groundwork for you.
You know, to do something...
great or whatever.
But your dad was a screw-up, too.
Well, it was just a theory.
[Police sirens approaching]
What are we going to do?
Wait. Wait, wait. Char...
This is very important.
Don't lose it.
Wait, where are you going?
Just tell them that I forced you into this.
- What? - You just tell them I'm nuts.
Charlie. Charlie.
Charlie, come on. Charlie.
I don't think...
that I've thanked you, ever, for what you've done for me.
Thank you.
Wait. Charlie. Charlie!
And don't let them push you around.
Charlie, come on, please.
Charlie!
Charlie.
[Sobbing] Charlie.
Charlie, wait, wait! Come back!
Dad!
[Rattling]
Hey, you!
[Shouting]
[Splash]
Follow me!
[Crying]
Shit!
[Police sirens blaring]
[Miranda narrating] They searched all night,
but they never did find Charlie's body.
One of the cops asked me
why Charlie jumped back into the hole.
I told him it was where Charlie wanted to go.
It was where he wanted to go all along.
The cop looked at me like I was crazy
and stopped asking me questions.
What I didn't tell them was that if Charlie hadn't tied me up,
I probably would've followed him.
[Bubbling]
[Miranda narrating] Want to know how California got its name?
It's not named after some explorer or king.
Nope.
Someone made the name up.
A writer.
He just pulled it out of his imagination
in the 16th century in Spain.
He made up this place where there was unlimited gold and pearls,
and beautiful, fierce women who wore gold armor and rode wild beasts,
and he called it "California."
It's true.
It was a bestseller back then.
- Oh, yeah! - [Splashing]
[Miranda narrating] Charlie told me that.
He said I could look it up if I didn't believe him.
But I didn't need to.
[Men speaking foreign language]
[Speaking foreign language]
Excuse me?
Beautiful place. This is California, huh?
Oh.
Yeah.
[Laughs]
[Speaking foreign language]
Welcome.
[Ignition falters]
[Engine starts]
# I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight #
# On a bed of California stars #
# I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight #
# On a bed of California stars #
# I'd love to feel your hand touching mine #
# And tell me why I must keep working on #
# Yes, I'd give my life to lay my head tonight #
# On a bed of California stars #
# I'd like to dream my troubles all away #
# On a bed of California stars #
# Jump up from my starbed and make another day #
# Underneath my California stars #
# They hang like grapes on vines that shine #
# And warm the lover's glass like friendly wine #
# So, I'd give this world just to dream #
# A dream with you #
# On our bed of California stars #
## [alt country]
# I'd love to feel your hand touching mine #
# And tell me why I must keep working on #
# Yes, I'd give my life to lay my head tonight #
# On a bed of California stars #
## [folk]
# Oh... #
# How can I stand aside #
# And watch all these colors fly #
# Out of this world and into the next #
# My heart is on fire #
# And I'm getting reckless, too #
# Though the dream #
# Is slipping through my hands #
# They're not mine to hold #
# This flood of dreams #
# Is taking control #
# When you were mine #
# The sky was so high #
# The forests were green #
# And the stars were bright #
# Now I've got the road #
# Leading me off #
# Gravity dissolves #
# Oh, my home is floating away #
# My dreams take to the road #
# As I try to stay afloat in this flood #
# In this flood of dreams #
# Oh... #
# In this flood #
# Oh... #
## [folk fiddle]
E Sub By Littleliang END